Do me a favor!

My husband usually doesn’t appreciate certain topics that I touch upon in my posts. He says ‘people might think you are weak’ or ‘they might think you are complaining about them’. But there are some things that I would like to share and talk about and no, it’s not a complaint. Actually, THIS is a humble request to the society at large.

By now, we all know (whether or not we are parents) that becoming a mother is probably easier than BEING a mother. A lot of effort goes into raising a child; maybe not so much in creating one inside. That’s just me!

This time last year, I was at a surprisingly high social presence rate. People (I am not exaggerating) used to gape as to how I managed to move my 8 month pregnant belly and 22 month old toddler from corner to corner of the city, being a social butterfly (social enthu-cutlet, more so). I was actually out and celebrating Diwali 10 days before my delivery. Yes, my folks were shocked and no, I had no issues whatsoever. Once my baby girl came into the world, things changed upside down. If you know me (from my posts and rants), you will know that it’s a nuclear set up in our home and I manage just about everything except sweeping, mopping and washing utensils. So, for me another baby in the mix was a lot of work. When it came to being my social self, that part of life took a back seat. I would say I sent it to the boot.

Nod your head if you agree that dating, marriage and children have changed the width and type of your social circle greatly. I have THREE friends who have put up with my nonsense and loved me through my pregnancy and both kids. They didn’t have babies at that time, but they never said no to me. Post children, I forged different kinds of friendships – virtual ones. Maybe it is the fact that, like me hundreds of mothers find ‘ME’ time in between feeds and at weird hours of the night that brought us together. Props to Facebook, importantly. So, there I was happily forming a safety net online while in real life, I REALLY didn’t have the stamina to get ready and step out.

Seriously, dragging two kids and myself out of the house (looking presentable and not pooped) was an exhausting deal. I decided that I preferred the company of my TV, couch and crochet to that of the outside world, because I just couldn’t head out without wanting to throw myself in front of that Ola cab. It was too much of a task. But I did try! Why I gave up was because it didn’t seem worth it to have two fussy kids in each arm and a puffing-panting me at the end of it all.

You see, the biggest issue that haunts mothers (new and old) is anxiety and depression. Even without being a parent, if you feel neglected for some reason, you tend to put yourself into a lot of stress by over thinking. Especially with new mothers, it takes a LOT of push to keep them positive and going. Believe me, looking at spit-up stained t-shirts and bird’s nest hair every day in the mirror can seriously affect your head.  What kept me floating through my anxiety attacks and phases of depression is what I call the ‘sisterhood of motherhood’. Nope, it’s not a cult or something but these are the few people who were and are available for me to fall back on. These are the people who have always pinged, called, dropped even and even called my husband to check on my wellbeing. So what if I wore the same pants three days in a row? So what if the house looked like a mini hurricane had just worked its way through? So what if the children were BAWLING all day? They didn’t leave me alone. They pulled me through most of the difficult times in the past year and they are the reason I am writing this.

Kindly do me a favor and read through below.

If you know a woman who has birthed a child, for the first time or the millionth (not possible, unless she is Kunti), please do this:

  1. Check on her. Even if you are sitting in a cinema, just ping her and say ‘hey! I am at this movie that’s totally crappy. I wish you had been here, we would have laughed our derrieres through this!’. She can’t make it for the movie, but she just wants to know that she isn’t forgotten.
  2. Offer to help. Even if she’s as ridiculous as me to be sinking up till the neck but still refuse help. Offer nevertheless.
  3. Visit her once a while. Yeah, most times will be nap times or boob-times, but you will know that she feels great after a visit. Perked up, actually.
  4. Involve her. Even if she isn’t coming tequila downing on Saturday night with you, she’d like to know. Hey, everyone likes to feel a bit important.
  5. Be grateful for the times she’s helped you and been by your side. Don’t let her down when she needs you. Friends happen once and remain through ebbs & flows of time. They aren’t momentary. If they are, then they are just acquaintances.

Really, this is more than just about me. This is about not letting a mom who is already exhausted, feel further like crap. She would be better off without wondering why there were plans being made without her or why none of the friends from before (not you, my 4th standard ‘bench buddy’. I still hate you :P) have checked on her. Every woman deserves better and the least you can do, is send in some good vibes, right?

Of course, the good vibes do mean that she will be super teary-eyed when you give her a hug and might bake breads and cakes at midnight just to show you how much it means to her. But if you don’t do it now, you will never be able to do it again. Not to her, at least.

Do it for your sisterhood of motherhood. Stick around, don’t let go.

~ The Lazy Parent

21 thoughts on “Do me a favor!

  1. Neha @growingwithnemit says:

    Omg! That’s a bit emotional post for me, don’t know after entering this motherhood phase everything makes me teary specially knowing that there are others who are going through same emotions and smart thoughts. Awesome post Anjana, cheers to sisterhood of motherhood ❤

  2. ayisharu says:

    When I had my first child, my friends stopped inviting me to out-of-town trips or even movie nights. I know they haven’t forgotten me but they just kind of assumed I won’t be going even if they invited me and that they don’t want me to feel bad for not being able to come. Honestly, it made me feel worse. But then, I overcame postpartum blues and I’m having more travels with my toddler than I ever did with my friends.

    Now I have this friend who has also recently given birth. I make sure to give some sisterly motherly support, not because I am an expert of motherhood, but because every mother just wants to feel that they are not alone in this journey.

    Nice post, btw ♥

  3. Nayantara says:

    Loved this Anjana. I’ve always been in awe of you and how you manage multiple roles and still find time to crochet and read. (I promise i only follow you on Insta. Not a stalker ?) But everyone is fighting their own battles and some conpassion towards new moms is so welcome.

  4. Priyadarshani Panda says:

    My son is almost 2 but still my social life is at back seat not that I am complaining but still the points you have mentioned I would love if my friends with do the same and also I plan to do it with my friends who are parents and sailing in the same boat

  5. Manveen says:

    Hi hear you loud and clear. Every word resonates true. I’m blessed to have a great network of friends. As women, we just need to support each other more irrespective of how old a mom you are. Everyone has a story to tell.

  6. Pranita says:

    Even my husband feels I keep on complaining about everything but you have written all the facts of motherhood so wonderfully. Only moms can relate to this post❤ it’s a beautiful read! Thansk for sharing it!

  7. Deepa says:

    Wonderful post. People judge moms no.matter what and you are doing a great job with your kids. I agree that socialisation takes a back seat when you are a new mom. The truck is to not to pay attention to others and do what feels right.

  8. Mahak @babyandbeyondin says:

    I feel like you have written my story Anjana..or rather every new mom’s story. Finding friendships online …support system that is available 24/7 and understands exactly what you are going through. I hope the men in our lives read this too.

  9. Shubhreet Kaur says:

    I can totally resonate with this post! When Karma was born, we had a few set of friends (all really nice people but no kids) who wouldn’t hang out with us as often as before. And I totally do get it since we had a new born baby and couldn’t finish a conversation half the time. But fortunately, we also had enough friends who didn’t mind adjusting a bit while making plans or going on a holiday with babies. Having said that, I feel my online friends have given me a support system like no other and I can confidently say some of them are gonna be friends for life!

  10. Kavita Singh says:

    You spoke my heart, I really wish if people can be just tad bit more sensitive when it comes to passing a judgment on mothers. Wonderful post, keep writing! more power to you Mumma ?

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