In my Instagram post on the little one turning 6 months old, I had said:
If I do make it past another 6 months in ONE piece, I will write a book about this. I will reach out and help more mothers battle their inner conflicts. I will make a difference!
This post is the first in that series! Read on.
It has been 7 months of parenting two kids and we have been on quite a roller coaster. The hardest is behind me, I would say. When the little one arrived, nothing much had changed. I could still spend a LOT of undivided time with the toddler and keep him calm. But the days that came after were an unexpected blow of sorts. I wasn’t ready for it. I wasn’t expecting it. My little one needed more of me and so did the toddler. Between them, I lost myself. It was a mess.
I recall a particular trip that broke it and made it for me. I had over expected stuff from my toddler (who was all of 2 that time). I had expected him to understand, to behave. I had expected him to adult up all of a sudden.
When someone remarked that I should be less aggressive with my child, based on seeing us for about 24 hours or lesser, I shattered. I am usually the kinds who moves away from the scene without as much dropping a reply, because I can’t word things easily. No one intentionally gets upset with their children. No one intentionally regrets parenting. It’s a push; a shove. A dire measure that makes us feel ugly from within.
I could go on explaining about the whole situation that caused the avalanche effect in my life, but I knew then that:
- I should care a flying rat’s ass about people who have no idea of my life as a parent
- I should approach my son differently
- I am doing what best I can and I would do better if situation permitted it.
What did I do? I decided to go tigress mode. I snarled at anyone who said anything about my children and I got protective. The change happens like so:
- When you are super upset with your child, walk away. Bite your teeth, clench your fists and walk away.
- Count to three. Slowly, count and close your eyes. Listen to the voice of your child. Eyes closed, you will feel the innocence of that being. A being who knows not about stress and things alike. I have found this to immediately calm me down in many occasions.
- Hug your child even before you begin asking why. My toddler used to have supreme meltdowns and instead of being the team against him, I became his team. I hugged him tight and rocked him for a few minutes. Invariably, the meltdown ebbed away and then came the reason. Whatever it was that was upsetting him. Hug your baby. Yes, baby! They will always be babies
Forget what anyone says. People complaining about your child or telling you how you should raise them must fit the bar. Have they raised children of their own in the past 5 years? Have they dealt with at least 60% of your situation? Do you care about them? 😛 The last criteria makes it so much easier to block out unnecessary folks.
Once you do weed out these people, you weed out doubts about your parenting. You make space for your child, yourself and lot more love. So, hug your baby and move on!
Oh, my golden rule : If someone advices you on parenting (without fulfilling the above said criteria) hand your kids over to them for a few hours and just leave the room. They will be much of empathetic of your situation after that! 😉